Big Brown Eyes, Crazy Sense of Humor
by MauMauKa
Summary: Old friends are reunited and new feelings are faced when the team travels to San Francisco!
1. New Job

**Part 1-New Job**

Templeton Peck winced at the screeching voice at the other end of the phone. Sharli Angel, Vegas showgirl _extraordinaire_, did not like to be stood up. And Templeton "Faceman" Peck did not like standing ladies up, especially lovely blondes with a spectacular rack and a full arsenal of erotic skills. "Sharli...baby..." he pleaded when he could get a word in edgewise "I'm sorry. I didn't WANT to leave you hanging, but something really important came up..."

Sharli's voice was an ice pick stabbing into his agonized skull. "Oh yeah?! Well, guess what!_ I_ could have brought up something really important too! Lose my number, loverboy!" She slammed the phone down and Face dropped the receiver with a curse. When would he learn not to get distracted on a job?

"Bad news?" Hannibal asked as he set down a glass of orange juice and a shot of vodka on Face's nightstand.

"The worst. Sharli's finished with me." Face groaned and sat up carefully, sipping the juice, willing his stomach to settle. Part of their latest job had included getting stinking drunk with a corrupt Senator and his cronies. He ignored the vodka shot; it was Hannibal's favorite hangover cure, but it just made him thirsty.

"Another blonde?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Just curious" Hannibal sat down in a nearby chair and lit a cigar. "This is a no-smoking room", Face reminded him. Hannibal smiled and blew a few smoke rings. Congress could pass laws; local governments could pass all the ordinances they wanted, but wherever the colonel went, his pet cigars went too.

"Maybe you need a change."

"A change?" Face asked as he rubbed his forehead, trying to soothe away the jackhammer pounding behind his eyes.

"You should try a brunette."

"A brunette?" Face repeated idiotically. When he was hung over, his reflexes were slow.

"Of course. You keep trying blondes, and they keep shooting you down. So try a brunette. I've always been partial to brunettes."

"Hannibal, I've been with brunettes. And redheads _and_ one girl with purple hair and my rate of shoot-down remains constant. If I'm on my own, I'm fine. If I have the misfortune to meet the lady while I'm working, then it's no go."

"And yet you keep trying."

"Ah, Hannibal" Face grinned at the older man over the edge of his glass. "Can you blame me?"

"You don't have to try and con me, Face. I know how devoted you are to your work. But I also know that the punk girl was an underage kid from B.A.s center. Thank God you had the sense to run like hell! And the redhead was the one who ran that grocery store in Iowa, and the last brunette was her granddaughter. You got two for one on that one."

"So? It's not MY fault we didn't hang around long enough for me to actually meet the girl! Why are you so interested in my love life, anyway?"

"You know Face, if I could have someone in my life full-time, I'd pick a sweet brunette with big brown eyes and a crazy sense of humor; someone just kooky enough to know everything about me and love me anyway." Hannibal leaned back in his chair and smiled in a way that Face knew meant trouble. On guard, Face shifted into con mode and gave the colonel a teasing grin. "Sounds nice, but how many ladies out there want to attach themselves to wanted criminals?"

Hannibal just smiled. It was making Face nervous. "What are you up to, Hannibal?"

"We've got a new job."

Face gulped down the rest of the orange juice. "Okay. Is the client a sweet brunette with big brown eyes?"

"You forgot the crazy sense of humor. Nope. It's Jackie Taylor."

"Jackie Taylor? As in my _ex?_ What kind of trouble is she in now?" Face remembered his runaway Texas "bride" very well. Rich, spoiled, clever and (Face suspected) as much of a jazz-junkie as Hannibal himself.

"Something she's willing to pay 200,000 dollars for, plus expenses."

Face grinned. Nothing improved his outlook more than those magical words: _plus expenses._ The pay the A-team received for their mercenary activities was their bread-and-butter, but expense accounts were what _really _made life worthwhile. After all, why camp out in a crummy tent in the woods when you could stay at a nice hotel with a heated pool and concierge service? "I'm delighted to help, of course."

"I figured you would be. Go break Murdock out and meet us tonight at the Beverly Wilshire."

**Part 2-A Fine Mess**

"Hannibal Smith!" A tall blue-eyed woman opened the door to the Beverly Wilshire's best penthouse suite. "It's so good to see you again! You are just as handsome as ever!" She threw her arms around Hannibal and kissed his cheek, making his large grin even wider.

"Always a pleasure, Miss Taylor" Hannibal returned the kiss. "What can we do for you?"

Jackie Taylor, Face's onetime bride, smiled at everyone "And the rest of y'all too! _Especially_ Miss Amy here." Face raised his eyebrows as Amy turned the same color as her hot pink blouse. "C'mon in! Drinks are on the bar."

"You see, it's about my brother..." Jackie said when they had all seated themselves. "He's missing!"

"I never knew you had a brother, Jackie" Face said.

"Daddy disowned him about five years ago. It's not something the family likes to talk about" Jackie sighed and shook her head. "You see…Blaine likes the boys. Daddy found out when he got involved with one of his professors at Texas A & M. He kicked Blaine out of the house, told him he couldn't use the family name any more, and gave him 24 hours to get out of town. Then he told everyone Blaine died in a car accident. We had a funeral with an empty casket. My poor mother never got over it. She just went all to pieces and Daddy had to put her away. Blaine was her favorite. I think she blamed herself for not standing up for him, but if you ever met my Daddy..." Jackie grimaced. "He was the kindest man in the world until you crossed him."

"But you kept in touch with Blaine?" Hannibal asked, taking out a cigar.

"Yes. He was my big brother and I loved him. I didn't care who he was sleeping with! When Daddy threw him out of the house, Blaine told me to get a post office box and not tell anyone. He writes to me every week or at least, he did until recently. That's when I called Tracy and asked her how she'd found y'all when I was in trouble." Jackie leaned forward, her blue eyes dark with worry. "I called his apartment in San Francisco and the number was disconnected. I got on a plane and flew out there and some thug came to the door of Blaine's apartment and said he moved! Blaine wouldn't move without telling me! I know he's in trouble!"

"Did he owe anyone money?" Amy asked. She had been busily jotting notes while Jackie spoke.

"I think so. Blaine always did like to gamble. It used to give Daddy fits. His being gay was just the last straw." Jackie sipped her drink. "I've rented a condo in San Fran for y'all to use. It's real nice; I know my ex-hubby likes the finer things." She winked at Face. "And I'll cover y'all's expenses on top of the fee. But there's one hitch."

"What's the hitch?" Face asked.

"The condo is in the Castro district. You'll have to find a way to blend in."

"That shouldn't be a problem" Hannibal said. "Face and Murdock can share the apartment and do the scouting."

"WHAT?! Wait a minute!" Face protested. "I'm not exactly comfortable—"

"Don't know why not" B.A. muttered under his breath. Face glared at him.

"Face, we need someone that people will talk to. With the right outfit, you'll be able to get a ton of these guys on the string. One of them is bound to know something."

"I don't WANT to get a ton of gay guys on the string! My reputation will be ruined!"

"With who?" Hannibal asked drily.

"Hannibal believe it or not, I know people besides the A-Team! High rollers, people in the industry—"

"And you think none of _them_ are light in their loafers? Get real, Face. Besides, women adore gay guys! They treat them like their best girlfriends. You can talk about shopping all you want."

"You act like there's something wrong with having good taste!"

"_I _don't mind" Murdock said with a grin. "I'll be able to get plenty of new material for my Harry Dickey stories! My publishers have been asking for another one for a while now."

Face ignored the pilot. He did not like this plan _at all_. Face had put up with other people's assumptions all his life, and chief among those assumptions was that just because he didn't act like a troglodyte, he must bat for the other team. After nearly twenty years, he was pretty sick of it.

"Forget it, Hannibal" he said flatly. "You or B.A. do this one."

"Won't work. B.A. is too intimidating, and there could be repercussions back at the Center. I'm too old and if you don't mind my saying so, I'm not half as pretty as you."

"And Murdock?" Face asked sarcastically. He knew evasion when he heard it. "I wouldn't call _him_ pretty."

"Aw, don't be mean, Faceman!"

"Murdock will suss out the more exotic members of the community" the colonel raised an eyebrow at Murdock. "It's time to bring Johnny Black out of retirement, wouldn't you say?"

Murdock giggled, that high-pitched insane cackle that Face had come to dread. It always meant the pilot was having way too much fun and that soon Face would be dragged into another fine mess. "Johnny Black is at your service" Murdock said his voice an octave deeper than normal and glossed over with slight British accent.

Face thought for a moment. He knew that Hannibal usually brooked no interference once he'd set up a plan, and he actually had a point about B.A. Finally, with an expression of profound distaste, he gave in. "All right Hannibal. I'll do it, but it'll cost you. I want 40% of this job-for myself, free and clear."

Jackie looked both shocked and angry. "I had no _idea_ you were so close-minded, baby."

"I'm not!" Face groaned in frustration. "Other people's sex lives are none of my business. I'm just tired of being stereotyped. So _what_ if I don't like football, being filthy dirty, or taking cars apart?! So what if I like nice clothes, good food and beautiful surroundings? None of that means I am gay, thank you very much!"

Amy started to say something and then thought better of it. She had been watching Face and Murdock for a long time, and she was positive that despite the conman's misadventures with the opposite sex, his heart lay with the pilot. Oh well. It wasn't her job to make Face wake up. She would have enough trouble dealing with _Jackie_, who clearly remembered a certain night in the back of the A-Team's van all too well.

Hannibal held up one hand. "I'm willing to agree to your terms. But I would ask you to keep your prejudices to yourself. People won't talk to you if you insult them."

"I will. And I'm sorry, Jackie. I don't mean to offend you or talk badly about your brother."

Jackie glanced at the Colonel. Clearly, this issue was a deep one between him and Face, one that _definitely _bore further scrutiny. Her charming ex-hubby seemed to be protesting far more than necessary. Murdock, on the other hand, didn't seem to be paying attention at all. He was scribbling on his arm with a ballpoint pen and chuckling to himself. "Well I forgive you, if only because you're so darn cute!" She reached around Murdock and pinched Face's cheek, leaving him looking both amused and annoyed. "But please try to relax while you're there. The apartment really is fantastic! Jacuzzi tub, king-sized beds, an entertainment system—the whole works! It's gonna be Taylor Enterprises corporate apartment once y'all find Blaine, so keep it nice, okay?"

"Not to worry. Hannibal won't be there to shoot the place up and I'll keep Murdock from chewing up the houseplants."


	2. A Fine Mess

**Part 2-A Fine Mess**

"Hannibal Smith!" A tall blue-eyed woman opened the door to the Beverly Wilshire's best penthouse suite. "It's so good to see you again! You are just as handsome as ever!" She threw her arms around Hannibal and kissed his cheek, making his large grin even wider.

"Always a pleasure, Miss Taylor" Hannibal returned the kiss. "What can we do for you?"

Jackie Taylor, Face's onetime bride, smiled at everyone "And the rest of y'all too! _Especially_ Miss Amy here." Face raised his eyebrows as Amy turned the same color as her hot pink blouse. "C'mon in! Drinks are on the bar."

"You see, it's about my brother..." Jackie said when they had all seated themselves. "He's missing!"

"I never knew you had a brother, Jackie" Face said.

"Daddy disowned him about five years ago. It's not something the family likes to talk about" Jackie sighed and shook her head. "You see…Blaine likes the boys. Daddy found out when he got involved with one of his professors at Texas A & M. He kicked Blaine out of the house, told him he couldn't use the family name any more, and gave him 24 hours to get out of town. Then he told everyone Blaine died in a car accident. We had a funeral with an empty casket. My poor mother never got over it. She just went all to pieces and Daddy had to put her away. Blaine was her favorite. I think she blamed herself for not standing up for him, but if you ever met my Daddy..." Jackie grimaced. "He was the kindest man in the world until you crossed him."

"But you kept in touch with Blaine?" Hannibal asked, taking out a cigar.

"Yes. He was my big brother and I loved him. I didn't care who he was sleeping with! When Daddy threw him out of the house, Blaine told me to get a post office box and not tell anyone. He writes to me every week or at least, he did until recently. That's when I called Tracy and asked her how she'd found y'all when I was in trouble." Jackie leaned forward, her blue eyes dark with worry. "I called his apartment in San Francisco and the number was disconnected. I got on a plane and flew out there and some thug came to the door of Blaine's apartment and said he moved! Blaine wouldn't move without telling me! I know he's in trouble!"

"Did he owe anyone money?" Amy asked. She had been busily jotting notes while Jackie spoke.

"I think so. Blaine always did like to gamble. It used to give Daddy fits. His being gay was just the last straw." Jackie sipped her drink. "I've rented a condo in San Fran for y'all to use. It's real nice; I know my ex-hubby likes the finer things." She winked at Face. "And I'll cover y'all's expenses on top of the fee. But there's one hitch."

"What's the hitch?" Face asked.

"The condo is in the Castro district. You'll have to find a way to blend in."

"That shouldn't be a problem" Hannibal said. "Face and Murdock can share the apartment and do the scouting."

"WHAT?! Wait a minute!" Face protested. "I'm not exactly comfortable—"

"Don't know why not" B.A. muttered under his breath. Face glared at him.

"Face, we need someone that people will talk to. With the right outfit, you'll be able to get a ton of these guys on the string. One of them is bound to know something."

"I don't WANT to get a ton of gay guys on the string! My reputation will be ruined!"

"With who?" Hannibal asked drily.

"Hannibal believe it or not, I know people besides the A-Team! High rollers, people in the industry—"

"And you think none of _them_ are light in their loafers? Get real, Face. Besides, women adore gay guys! They treat them like their best girlfriends. You can talk about shopping all you want."

"You act like there's something wrong with having good taste!"

"_I _don't mind" Murdock said with a grin. "I'll be able to get plenty of new material for my Harry Dickey stories! My publishers have been asking for another one for a while now."

Face ignored the pilot. He did not like this plan _at all_. Face had put up with other people's assumptions all his life, and chief among those assumptions was that just because he didn't act like a troglodyte, he must bat for the other team. After nearly twenty years, he was pretty sick of it.

"Forget it, Hannibal" he said flatly. "You or B.A. do this one."

"Won't work. B.A. is too intimidating, and there could be repercussions back at the Center. I'm too old and if you don't mind my saying so, I'm not half as pretty as you."

"And Murdock?" Face asked sarcastically. He knew evasion when he heard it. "I wouldn't call _him_ pretty."

"Aw, don't be mean, Faceman!"

"Murdock will suss out the more exotic members of the community" the colonel raised an eyebrow at Murdock. "It's time to bring Johnny Black out of retirement, wouldn't you say?"

Murdock giggled, that high-pitched insane cackle that Face had come to dread. It always meant the pilot was having way too much fun and that soon Face would be dragged into another fine mess. "Johnny Black is at your service" Murdock said his voice an octave deeper than normal and glossed over with slight British accent.

Face thought for a moment. He knew that Hannibal usually brooked no interference once he'd set up a plan, and he actually had a point about B.A. Finally, with an expression of profound distaste, he gave in. "All right Hannibal. I'll do it, but it'll cost you. I want 40% of this job-for myself, free and clear."

Jackie looked both shocked and angry. "I had no _idea_ you were so close-minded, baby."

"I'm not!" Face groaned in frustration. "Other people's sex lives are none of my business. I'm just tired of being stereotyped. So _what_ if I don't like football, being filthy dirty, or taking cars apart?! So what if I like nice clothes, good food and beautiful surroundings? None of that means I am gay, thank you very much!"

Amy started to say something and then thought better of it. She had been watching Face and Murdock for a long time, and she was positive that despite the conman's misadventures with the opposite sex, his heart lay with the pilot. Oh well. It wasn't her job to make Face wake up. She would have enough trouble dealing with _Jackie_, who clearly remembered a certain night in the back of the A-Team's van all too well.

Hannibal held up one hand. "I'm willing to agree to your terms. But I would ask you to keep your prejudices to yourself. People won't talk to you if you insult them."

"I will. And I'm sorry, Jackie. I don't mean to offend you or talk badly about your brother."

Jackie glanced at the Colonel. Clearly, this issue was a deep one between him and Face, one that _definitely _bore further scrutiny. Her charming ex-hubby seemed to be protesting far more than necessary. Murdock, on the other hand, didn't seem to be paying attention at all. He was scribbling on his arm with a ballpoint pen and chuckling to himself. "Well I forgive you, if only because you're so darn cute!" She reached around Murdock and pinched Face's cheek, leaving him looking both amused and annoyed. "But please try to relax while you're there. The apartment really is fantastic! Jacuzzi tub, king-sized beds, an entertainment system—the whole works! It's gonna be Taylor Enterprises corporate apartment once y'all find Blaine, so keep it nice, okay?"

"Not to worry. Hannibal won't be there to shoot the place up and I'll keep Murdock from chewing up the houseplants."


	3. Home Sweet Home

**Part 3—Home Sweet Home**

"Here we are!" Jackie chirped as she threw her convertible into park outside of a modern-looking high rise. Face stepped out of the car, willing his legs not to shake. Jackie drove like a maniac! Even B.A….even Murdock didn't take the risks she did. She had offered to drive Face and Murdock from Los Angeles to San Francisco and Hannibal had accepted the offer; he and B.A. would be free to go to Vegas and try to find out where Blaine Taylor owed money. There was a small casino called the Pink Parrot that he was especially fond of, said Jackie. They intended to talk to some of the dealers and regulars there.

Jackie roared along the freeway at 80 miles per hour, dodging in and out of traffic so rapidly that Face thought he would be carsick. Murdock on the other hand, had the time of his life, whooping and hollering every time one of the rigs they passed blasted its horn. Jackie laughed, "You need to come visit me in Texas sometime, Murdock! I have a Caddy I can push up to 100 on an open stretch!"

"YEEE-HAWWW!" yelled Murdock. Face closed his eyes and took deep breaths, focusing all his energy on not killing the pilot. Or throwing up. He felt like kissing the ground when the journey was over, but he forced himself to get his bags out of the back and act like everything was normal. They had pulled up in front of a sleek glass and steel building with a modern abstract decorative fountain out front.

Their condo was on the top floor, commanding a panoramic view of the area. Face couldn't help smiling at the dazzling white carpets and tasteful furniture. Jackie caught his eye and grinned. "Like it? I decorated it all by my little old self!"

"Home sweet home!" Face grinned back. "Maybe you're in the wrong business, Jackie."

"Oh no, this is just a hobby. I could never give up Daddy's company. How about you, Murdock? Do you like it?"

Murdock didn't reply. Instead, he disappeared down a hallway. Jackie and Face followed him as he opened doors and checked out the two bedrooms, the bathroom, and all the closets. "Quite nice. Not quite the proper milieu for Johnny Black, but quite nice." Face sighed inwardly. The pilot was still in character, and he would probably stay that way the whole time they were there. He expected Jackie to ask what was going on, but she seemed unfazed.

Face was glad to see that the other rooms were equally elegant and comfortable. As promised, the bathroom did have a large Jacuzzi tub. It also had a separate shower and double sinks, something for which Face was profoundly grateful. He didn't have much confidence in Murdock's housekeeping habits. He immediately dumped his suitcases on the bed in the master suite, leaving the pilot with the smaller room. If he really had to go through with this, he was going to make sure he was well accommodated.

Murdock didn't object to taking the smaller room, but Face's relief was short-lived when the pilot carried his duffel bag directly to the master bedroom and dropped it on the bed next to Face's suitcases and garment bags. "Murdock, what are you doing?!"

Murdock raised an eyebrow. "Johnny Black never sleeps alone."

"He does now! Put your stuff in the other room!"

Murdock didn't move. His face wore an expression of amused patience; it made Face want to punch him. "Fine!" he grumped when it became clear that the pilot wasn't going to budge. "I'll move!"

Murdock's hand shot out and took a firm grip on Face's arm. "No need for that."

"Murdock!"

"Face, don't be a prissy little princess. Johnny doesn't want to have to punish you."

Jackie laughed so hard she had to hold on to her middle. "Oh honey, I think you're gonna do good here! Why don't you do what he says, Face? You're supposed to be a couple, after all."

"A couple of what?" Face snapped, but the look on Murdock's face told him further protests would be useless.

"To reiterate, Johnny Black NEVER sleeps alone and he never does anything you wouldn't want. You have nothing to be afraid of. Mr. Peck." Murdock's voice dropped even lower. Face was beginning to feel like he was wandering through a deranged porno movie without a script. "Uh, that's wonderful Johnny, but I like the ladies."

Murdock just smiled. This was getting seriously creepy. "Will you be staying with us?" Face asked Jackie, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice.

"''Fraid not. I have some work to do with Miss Amy." Jackie winked and bounced out of the room. "See y'all soon! Enjoy!"

"The second thing you must understand," Murdock announced as soon as they were alone "is that Johnny Black is a top. You ask his permission before you do anything, or you will suffer the consequences."

"Oh yeah? What are you gonna do, flog me or something?"

"I'm not going to tell you. Johnny Black never leaves a mark, but he is very creative. You will address him as either 'Johnny', 'Mr. Black' or 'Sir', take your pick."

"Murdock, this is ridiculous..."

A long-fingered hand shot out and knotted itself into the conman's hair. He jerked Face close until they were practically nose to nose. "I don't think you understand. Murdock is not here. The sooner you accept that, the better."

Face shivered involuntarily. He had never really thought Murdock was crazy. In fact, more than once he had given the pilot credit for running the queen mother of all cons: scamming a free room and food for life out of the VA. Now it looked like he would have to revise his opinion. "Okay Johnny, okay. But I still need to talk to Murdock at some point. We're on a job. What if we need him to fly us somewhere?"

"If that situation arises, I will of course be in touch with him but in the meantime, I will be taking his place. Do you understand?" The pilot still hadn't let go of Face's hair. His breath smelled like chili. Face wrinkled his nose. "Yes", he muttered.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, Johnny" the conman gritted out, resolving to kill Murdock the instant Blaine Taylor was found.

"Very good." Murdock released him and Face stomped away into the bedroom, cursing Hannibal with every step. There was no doubt in his mind that their Fearless Leader knew this would happen from the very beginning.


	4. Johnny In Charge

**Part 4-Johnny in Charge**

A delicious smell permeated the apartment. Face stepped out of the shower and sniffed the air, inhaling the mouth-watering scent of coq-au-vin. Thank God! If Murdock's doing the cooking, then at least that's some compensation. Face, for all his many skills, wasn't exactly a whiz in the kitchen. The food looked all right, but it invariably tasted bland no matter what kind of spices he put in. Murdock lived on junk food, but the gods had seen fit to bless him with an almost scary level of culinary talent. He made things that sounded (and on occasion, looked) disgusting, but when you tasted them you were instantly transported to a place where everything tasted incredible.

"Hi, Faceman!" Murdock grinned when Face appeared in the kitchen doorway. "Great towel! It looks nice and soft and fluffy. And so do you."

Face cleared his throat. He wished now he'd bothered to dress. "Johnny?" he asked cautiously.

"Naw, it's me. Johnny Black doesn't cook, he gets other people to cook for him."

"It figures. Are you going to be around a while?"

"For a while...until this evening at least" Flushed with the heat, Murdock stirred a pan of vegetables on the stove. "While you were in the tub I ran down to this little market and got some fresh asparagus, and there's eggs in the fridge, so I can make you a good hollandaise."

"Sounds good."

"It's gonna be good, Faceman! So tell me, what'd you think of Johnny?"

"Uh..."

Murdock laughed. "I figured you might have that reaction. Let me explain-Johnny is a top."

"A top?"

"Someone who takes the dominant role in sex, particularly in S & M."

"Oh."

"You know what S & M is?"

"Of course I know!" Face snapped, annoyed to feel a totally unwarranted blush spreading over his cheeks. "Remember Mindy? She was into being tied up and spanked."

"Ah, but that was just the two of you having fun. Johnny Black is a serious practitioner of the art. He does more than just spanking, and he'll insist on your respect at all times."

"I kind of gathered that."

"Don't cross him. Not unless you want to land yourself in a situation that at the very _least_ will make you pretty uncomfortable."

"I'm already uncomfortable."

"I know. For all your slick ways with the ladies, you're essentially a vanilla guy, Faceman. That's why I'm warning you not to mess with him. You'd be in way over your head."

"Yeah, I've already figured that out. Does he _have_ to sleep with me?"

Murdock shrugged and took the steaming pot of asparagus off the burner. "Johnny Black never sleeps alone. You don't have to worry about that part of it, muchacho. He's a gentleman in his own way. The worst that'll happen is that he'll make you sleep across the foot of the bed. That's where his pets usually sleep. Don't argue with him and you shouldn't have any problem. Why don't you go on and get dressed. I'll have our chow on the table in a few minutes."

Dinner was every bit as delicious as its scent had promised. Face ate until he was almost uncomfortably full. Murdock regaled him with stories from the VA. It wasn't until he straigtened up and very deliberately set down his napkin that Face realized that the pilot was gone, back into the depths of his mind.

"Mr. Black?"

"Mr. Peck?" Murdock arched an eyebrow.

"May I take your plate?" Face kept his voice diffident as he held out his hand. Murdock handed him the plate. "What do you plan to do with it, Mr. Peck?"

"Wash it. I always do the dishes when Murdock cooks."

"That 's kind of you. He leaves a room the way a hurricane leaves a beachfront community."

Face was surprised to hear himself chuckle. "Yeah. I shouldn't be long. Fortuntely, I've cleaned up after him for years, so I know how to be efficient."

"Then you have my permission."

"Thanks."

"Thanks, what?"

It took all of Face's strength not to roll his eyes. "Thanks, Johnny."

Murdock waved him away. Once Face was in the kitchen, he expected to hear the TV click on. Instead, soft classical music filled the air. Huh, the conman thought as he busied himself with clearing the rest of the table._ Johnny Black seems to be a man of refined taste. That's something, I suppose._

He finished the dishes quickly and scrubbed the counters down. There was no mop for the floor, so he had to content himself with a dustpan and brush he found under the kitchen sink. When he went into the living room, Murdock was sitting with his feet propped on the long leather ottoman in front of the couch. His eyes were closed and he smiled a little. The lights were low and the drapes pulled back; the city twinkled below. If he hadn't still been dressed in his usual clothes-leather jacket, short khakis, baseball cap and worn Converse sneakers, Face could almost believe he was seeing an entirely different man. Murdock's arms were stretched out along the back of the sofa, completely at rest. There was nothing of Murdock's usual frenetic movement. His fingers rubbed against the leather cushions slowly, l_ike he's touching skin, stroking it._ Face shook his head hard. Seeing it made him feel more than ever that he'd fallen into some kind of weird alternate universe. _So far, so good,_ Face thought as he began to tiptoe out of the room.

"Where are you going, Mr. Peck?"

"To my room?" Face suggested nervously. He kept his feet moving backwards. "Is there anything you want?"

"Is there anything you want, _Johnny._ Say it."

"Is there anything you want, Johnny?" Face gritted his teeth. He was starting to understand what Murdock meant, but for Chrissake, this was too much! He wasn't a little kid, and he sure as hell wasn't in the Army anymore!

"Again, please. Without the sarcasm this time."

"Is there anything you want, Johnny?" this time, the conman arranged his face into a mask of politeness and kept his voice smooth.

"No thank you, Mr. Peck. I will not let you escape that easily. Come here."

With great reluctance, Face did as he was told. Murdock took his feet down off the ottoman and pushed it out from the sofa. "Sit down here, on the floor."

Face did so, wondering why the hell he wasn't screaming the house down in protest. One look at Murdock's face told him the answer. The pilot's dark eyes were fixed on his own. They did not blink; Murdock's habitual goofy grin did not appear. Instead, those huge eyes were completely focused on him. Had anyone ever looked at him that way before? Try as he might, Face could not think of a single instance.

"Lean back. Rest yourself against me."

"Is that necessary...Johnny?"

"Are you proposing to argue with me?"

"Ah, no! Not at all! It's just that I'm a little nervous," Face babbled. The pilot's unblinking stare was beginning to seriously freak him out.

"Understandable. Now lean back and relax, and let's see what's on TV."

Face did so, flinching at the close contact and the idea that his head would be dangerously near to Murdock's crotch. He leaned, but he couldn't relax. All his muscles had stiffened with discomfort. Fortunately, "Johnny" didn't seem to notice. He picked up a remote control and the radio switched off. Another touch of a button and the TV came on. "What would you like to see, Mr. Peck?"

"Huh?"

"What would you like to see? What strikes your fancy?"

"Well..." Face tried to gather his thoughts. "_Dallas_ is on tonight. I like that Victoria Principal. What a babe!" Face flashed his patented con-man grin.

"Indeed." Murdock flicked the remote again and Larry Hagman's face filled the screen. Face tried to follow the story, but gave up when Murdock's fingers began to weave though his hair. "Johnny?"

"Yes?"

"I don't know what Murdock told you, but I'm not gay, and this is really making me uncomfortable." No more than the truth. Face's skin had broken out in goosebumps. His hair had always been one of his weak spots. He wondered how Murdock knew.

Murdock shrugged. "Neither am I."

"Really?" Face couldn't keep the doubt out of his voice.

"I find such classifications pedestrian and boring. Flesh is flesh and pleasure is pleasure."

"Okaaay, but we're supposed to be impersonating a gay couple."

Murdock traced his fingers down the side of Face's neck and the conman couldn't stop the shiver that went through his body. "Do you find anything wrong with my performance?"

"No, you're doing great," the conman forced a weak laugh.

"You, on the other hand are not. I can _smell_ fear, Mr. Peck. You've never really looked into yourself, have you? Murdock gave me quite a bit of your history. The world's greatest con artist, a superlative liar, capable of converting the Pope to Hinduism, etc. Do you not realize that people who practice the Machiavellian arts run a very real risk of lying to themselves?"

"Johnny, if you're trying to imply that I'm gay and just don't know it, you're barking up the _wrong_ tree. I love women! I love the way they walk and the way they smell and the sound of their voices. I like _boobs!_ Boobs are one of Nature's finest creations!"

"I couldn't agree more."

"Then what-?"

"A person is a person, Mr. Peck. In the end, the equipment we're born with means very little. It is the soul of the person-who they truly are inside-that I respond to. Male, female, it doesn't matter."

"Well, it matters to _me_" Face said firmly. Murdock merely smiled and the smile was another jolt. It was downright _sensual._ Murdock's eyes had narrowed slightly, and he gazed at the conman from under his eyelashes. Face had never, not once with the hundreds of women he dated, seen such a come-hither expression. _God, if some gorgeous chick looked at me like that, I'd follow her to the ends of the earth! Where in the hell did_ Murdock, _of all people, learn to do that?!_

"Do you know what a safe word is, Mr. Peck?"

Mutely, Face shook his head.

"It's a word that stops the scene. You use it whenever you hit your limit and need to drop out, or return to normal. You may choose one and if you say it to me, I'll stop."

"Um, okay. How about..." Face cast around in his mind for something suitable. "...Hanoi? I've got enough bad memories about that place that it should destroy the mood."

"Hanoi it is. What are your limits, Mr. Peck?"

"My limits?"

"Things that you absloutely will not do are your hard limits. Your soft limits are things you may be willing to do under the right circumstances."

"Oh. Okay. My hard limits are anal sex with men, oral sex with men, anything scatological and anything that causes serious pain. My soft limits are...handjobs, I guess" Face grimaced. "And maybe mouth kissing."

"Very well. It is of paramount importance that you feel completely safe, otherwise the relationship won't work. You may not believe this, Mr. Peck. but in play it is the bottom, the submissive, that controls the action."

"Uh-huh" Face's tone was skeptical. "So people _ask_ you to treat them like slaves?"

"Certainly, if that's their thing." Murdock sounded surprised that Face would even ask such an elementary question "There's a good many people in this world-powerful, take-charge people-who long to be in a situation where they have no decisions to make, and where their every desire is attended to. A good dominant knows everything about his submissive's needs and does his best to fulfil them, with the understanding that the submissive always treats him with respect and obedience."

"I'm not very good at that. Obedience I mean."

"Then it's fortunate that I enjoy a challenge."

"What happens if the submissive disobeys?"

"If that happens, and the submissive doesn't use his or her safe word, the dominant assumes that what his sub needs is punishment. Some like physical pain, others prefer humiliation. Still others prefer to be tortured with pleasure."

"That's crazy!"

Murdock shrugged. "It's a strange world, Mr. Peck."

"You can say that again," Face mumbled. "Listen Mur-uh-Johnny, I'm kind of tired. Would you mind if I went to bed?"

"Not at all. Kiss me goodnight and you may go."

"Kiss you?! I just _said-_-"

"On the cheek will do."

Feeling extremely uncomfortable, Face got up from the floor and leaned down to kiss Murdock's cheek. Murdock cupped his hand against the side of the conman's face and regarded him for several minutes. "You have the face of an angel, Mr. Peck. Murdock is a lucky man indeed."

"What?"

"Go to bed."

Face did. The last thing he wanted to hear was an explanation. Once he was in his pajamas he lay awake, wondering when "Johnny" was going to join him and what that would be like. He fell asleep still wondering.

When he woke the next morning, he was alone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Part 5-Errands**

**A/N: I dedicate this chapter to my beta, Invisible Ranger. Thanks so much for the inspiration!-Maumauka**

"Good morning, Faceman! It's such a beautiful day, I decided to make blueberry pancakes." Murdock, clad only in Woody Woodpecker boxers, held a mixing bowl on his hip as he whipped the batter around with a spoon. His chest was already covered with splatters.

"Morning. You better wash that off before it gets sticky." Face rummaged in the cupboards for coffee until Murdock tapped him and pointed to the drip machine on the counter.

"I will as soon as I get it to the exact right consistency. Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah, but I thought you said Johnny Black never sleeps alone? As far as I can tell, I was the only one in the bed last night."

"He was with me."

Face had no desire to ask the pilot to elaborate. He poured himself a cup of coffee and added sugar and cream. Murdock flicked some water into the skillet he was heating on the stove. "We've got a lot to do today, Facey. Amy messengered a list of Blaine Taylor's usual haunts. Well check them out this morning and then we've gotta rest up for tonight."

"What happens tonight?"

"We go to Spartacus. It's one of the biggest clubs in the area-caters to every flavor in the candy box. Johnny should be very popular."

"I'll bet. So where is he this morning?"

Murdock shrugged. "I dunno. I don't keep track of him every second. I don't know where Fireman Fred or Captain Cab are, either."

"Mm. How did you come up with this particular character, anyway?"

"All right! There she is, sizzlin' hot and ready for butter!" Murdock grabbed a stick of butter off the counter and cut a hefty chunk into the skillet. Face waited, but Murdock didn't say anything else. Instead he began dipping out the batter and the usual mouthwatering smell of Murdock-cooking filled the room. Face's stomach growled. "Well, how did you come up with him?"

"Come up with who?"

"Johnny Black."

"That'd be telling, Faceman. You're just gonna have to wonder." Murdock winked at him.

"All right. Is he coming with us today? Do I need to wear a leash?"

"Don't be silly! You don't even have a collar yet. He might drop in, he might not. Johnny Black is a law unto himself."

Face tried not to think of the humiliation he'd suffer if he actually had to wear a collar and leash in public. Maybe he should disguise himself, dye his hair or something. That way he'd be less likely to be recognized by anyone he knew. If anyone he knew even went to a club like Spartacus, that was.

The pancakes were perfect. Murdock somehow managed to get them both fluffy and crispy around the edges. "You know Murdock, I said it before and I'll say it again-you'd make someone a wonderful wife."

"You think these are great, you should try one of my back rubs" the pilot said with his mouth full. "By the way, did you pack my Underoos?"

"You mean the Fruit-of-the-Looms with the Batman logos that you drew on? Yes."

"They must be behind the lettuce. I also can't find my Droopy Dog boxers, and you know I'm not happy when I can't gird my loins with funny animals."

"Those were in the wash when we left."

The post-breakfast cleanup took longer than usual, since Murdock's batter-splatter was on the ceiling as well as on the floor, on the counters, and just about everywhere else. By the time Face had finished and gotten himself dressed and ready, Murdock was sitting on the couch watching Captain Kangeroo. Face blinked. The only item of his usual apparel that Murdock was wearing was his leather jacket. The rest of his outfit consisted of a tight black T-shirt, black jeans that were actually the right length, and combat boots. He was not wearing his cap; instead he'd pulled his hair back into a short ponytail, and was that an _earring_ in his left ear?

"Wow Murdock, you look really different."

"Shh! Here they come!"

Murdock chortled with glee as ping-pong balls cascaded down on the luckless Captain's head, then turned the TV off. "Sorry, but I've got to see the ping-pong balls. Did you know they all have names? There's Barry and Ethel and Frank and Margaret and Cecil and-"

"That's nice" Face tapped his watch. "We need to go."

Jackie's list included clothing shops, restaurants, music stores and a bookstore. It was a pretty long list; Blaine Taylor clearly wasn't a homebody.

The first place they stopped was the bookstore. A woman who looked nearly as big and strong as B.A. grinned at them as they came in. "Hi! Can I help you?"

"Hi there!" Face pasted on his PR smile. "My name's Steve Taylor. I'm looking for someone. Do you know this guy? His name's Blaine Taylor?" Face held up the snapshot Jackie had provided.

The woman tilted her massive, buzz-cut head. "Yeah. He comes in here sometimes to get the papers. Good-looking kid. Seems like he has a new boyfriend every time I see him."

Out of the corner of his eye, Face noticed that Murdock had wandered over to a nearby bookshelf and was rummaging through it. He prayed the pilot wouldn't make too big of a mess. "Blaine's my cousin. I haven't seen him in a few years. We lost touch after college, but my family in Indiana's planning a reunion for next summer and I thought it would be nice if Blaine and I could re-connect. His sister gave me an address for him out here but I guess he moved. The person that answered the door never heard of him. Do any of his friends come in here? Someone who might know where he is?"

"Some of them" the woman nodded. "People come through here at all hours, though, and I'm only here three days a week. Tell you what: leave me your number and if I see any of them, I'll ask them to call you, okay?"

"That's so nice of you! Thank you very much, Miss-"

"Marion. Just Marion."

"Well thank you, Marion." Face scrawled the apartment phone number on a slip of paper. Murdock chose that time to pop out from behind the bookshelf with three books. "I'll take these please, ma'am."

Marion read the titles grinned. "You like Harry Dickey?"

"Yup. He's my favorite."

"One of mine too. I don't usually read the boy books, but there's just something about him. He knows how to be sweet AND dirty. It's rare."

Face glanced at one of the paperbacks and instantly felt his face turn red. What kind of author would title a book _Cockpit Canoodling?_

"I agree. It's a tough balance, but I think Lance Fokker is right when he tells Tim the Mechanic it's all about knowing what people want."

_"Tim the Mechanic?"_ Face muttered under his breath. Murdock beamed at him. "I'll loan em' to you when I finish reading them. You're gonna love Harry Dickey, darlin'!"

Face couldn't help rolling his eyes. "I can't wait."

Marion gave a rumbling laugh and rang up Murdock's purchases. In addition to the books, he had a purple t-shirt that said, "Gay? I prefer 'Enchanted!'", a rainbow flag, and a leather cap with a chain across the front. He paid for these items with his own money, to Face's considerable relief.

The rest of the day was a busy one as they worked their way down Jackie's list. A few people knew Blaine Taylor, but nobody knew where he'd gone. Opinion seemed to be divided, with half the community believing that Blaine had gotten a better job and the other half that he'd "finally bagged a sugar daddy" and taken off for Europe.

"I guess you're not the only one with expensive tastes, Faceman" Murdock commented once they were back in the car.

"Well it stands to reason, doesn't it? If he's a habitual gambler, he needs to have deep pockets, whether they're his own or someone else's"

There were messages on the answering machine when they got home. Face listened to the messages. One was from Hannibal and BA. They'd discovered that Blaine Taylor's last visit to Vegas had included a handsome older guy who seemed to be very well off. He'd covered all of Blaine's losses and even paid some of his back debt. The older guy was described as tall and dark, muscular, with a little gray showing in his hair, and deep green eyes.

That sounded promising; Face could ask about him on their next round of errands. There was a message from Jackie, asking how they were settling in and the last message was from someone unfamiliar. "Hi, is this Steve Taylor? My name's Chad Hicks. Marion at Lambda Books gave me your number, I heard you're looking for Blaine. You can get ahold of me at 555-2323. Thanks!"

Face picked up the phone and dialed the number. "This is Steve Taylor. Is this Chad Hicks?"

"I'm glad you called" Chad said. His voice was soft, with a gentle Southern lilt. "I've been worried about Blaine."

"We're in the same boat with that, I guess" Face shifted into the con, widening his blue eyes even though there was nobody else in the room." My family in Indiana are planning a reunion next summer and we'd like it an awful lot if Blaine and Jackie could come. Jackie gave me his last address here in San Francisco, but he doesn't seem to be living there anymore. Do you have any idea where he might have moved to?"

"No idea" Chad sighed. "We haven't spoken since Blaine hooked up with some older guy who watches him like a hawk. Every time he goes on a business trip, the guy whisks Blaine away to go with him. Married of course; probably doesn't want his wife to know he's picking fruit from the other tree" The young man sounded sounded bitter, making Face pretty sure he was talking to an ex. "Do you know who the older guy is?"

"No. I've seen him once or twice at the clubs downtown, but he's a high roller. A guy like him will have a membership somewhere like Noir or Odile's. Somewhere he can show off his boy candy to other rich daddies."

Face hastily jotted down the names of the clubs. "So, these places you mentioned are exclusive?"

"You bet. You have to be sponsored to be a member, but you can come once as a guest. Blaine was always dying to be asked. He liked the heavy stuff."

"The heavy stuff?"

"You know. Whips and chains. Bondage. Stuff like that."

So Hannibal had known what he was doing when he told Murdock to bring "Johnny Black" out of retirement. Face wondered why Jackie hadn't said anything to him and Murdock about it.

"You don't think this guy hurt him or anything do you?"

"I hope not. I hope Blaine turns up tanned and happy and walking funny, but it worries me that he hasn't called. You see, we used to date."

_Bingo,_ Face thought.

"We stayed friends after we broke up-it was a mutual thing. He used to call me before he went away anywhere and I would house-sit for him, water the plants, that kind of thing. He didn't do that this time. It's not like him; he's very picky about his house."

"Well Chad, I appreciate you calling me back." Face thought he'd better bring the conversation to a close. He wasn't sure Chad had much more information to give.

"Anytime. And please tell Blaine to call me if you hear from him."

Face agreed and hung up. After a quick snack, Murdock stayed in the living room to watch cartoons while Face stripped off his clothes and prepared to spend some quality time in the Jacuzzi. Unfortunately, when he got to the bathroom, the first thing he saw was that the tub was full of a mysterious purple glop that was being gently percolated by the jets. "MURDOCK!"

"Yeah?!" Murdock yelled back from the living room.

"WHAT IS THIS GUNK IN THE HOT TUB?!"

"Grape soda!"

_Jesus Christ, what next?!_ "AND WHY IS THERE GRAPE SODA IN THE HOT TUB?!" Face wasn't even sure he wanted to know the answer.

"Because it's homemade, Faceman! My own private recipe! You're gonna love it."

Wrapping a towel around his hips, Face stomped into the living room. "Murdock" he said in what he thought was a fairly reasonable tone of voice. "I have never, _ever_ drunk anything that was made in a bathtub. I don't plan to start now. Go in there and clean it up."

"Can't. It needs to perk until tomorrow."

"You'll ruin the pump!"

"No I won't. Not if I run it clean for 24 hours."

Face fought the urge to grab the pilot shake him. Instead, he gritted his teeth and spoke very slowly. "Murdock, we are in a very nice place, lent to us by a very nice lady. I do NOT want to have to explain to Jackie that she will need to put in a new Jacuzzi because you embarked on one of your insane cooking experiments! Now get in there and clean it up!"

"You _like_ my insane experiments, Faceman." Murdock said in an insufferably patient way. "So why don't you trust me on this one? This is gonna be some of the best soda pop you ever had in your life, so just relax. Take a nice shower; use some of those pretty-smelling soaps you like, and rest up for tonight."

"Damn it Murdock, would you quit talking to me like _I'm_ the mental patient? Until we go out on the job tonight, I'm not speaking to you. Got it?"

Murdock pouted and turned the volume up on the TV. Face stormed into the shower and turned the hot water on full blast. He knew he was overreacting, but he didn't know why.

He chose not to think about it. Or about the gurgling noise the tub was making.


End file.
